I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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