I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
