You made me cry and you don't even care
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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