I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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