Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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