Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize