all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
