She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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