..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
