You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
