You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
