alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
