are you still at the devil's house?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
