I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize