i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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