I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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