so let's talk penis.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
