Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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