a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
