put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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