how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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