When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
