He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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