Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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