Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
