we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i drank out of a bidet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
