Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
