Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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