it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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