Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
