I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
