Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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