I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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