You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
