I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
