i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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