I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
