I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
