Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
