he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
