I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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