In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
