i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
