I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
