my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
