Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love you. Go after that dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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