just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
