if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
