I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
