How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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