is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
