Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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