You're so nebulous sometimes
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
