Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The ass gains better be worth it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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