Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
