the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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