You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
