Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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