are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
