lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's Friday. Sex?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
