It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
