Ambien. No doubt about it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
