Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize