Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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