I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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