My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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