I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
