Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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