he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
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