He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
