You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
