Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
