I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
