What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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