i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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