oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
