he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
